Stalking Robbie

We’re planning a trip to La La Land
My younger sis and me
We’re saving for our airfares
We’re excited ‘bout what we’ll see

We won’t see swanky Rodeo Drive
The Star Maps of Bel Air
We won’t see Mann’s Chinese Theatre
The handprints of Fred Astaire

We won’t go skating down Venice Beach
Sunset Boulevard aint for us
We won’t bother with the Studios
Hollywood? Oh, what’s the fuss?

No, we’ve set our sights much higher than
The thrills of Tinsel Town
We’re off to Robbie Williams’ House
And we’re going to stake him down

Rob, we hope you don’t mind too much
If we sit outside your place
We’ll bring our own packed lunches
We just want to see your face

We’ll watch your windows for a week
With a home-made cardboard lens
We might see you
Get into a car
Or out again
With friends

We’ll head to the local Starbucks
Where you’re known to have a brew
We’ll wander the woods where you walk your dogs
(We’ll borrow a shitzu)

We’ll try and climb your perimeter fence
(We’ll hold each other’s shins)
We’ll lurk amongst your neighbours’ plants
We might go through your bins

Ditch those L.A. airheads, Robs!
British talent is the best
If you want to Feel Real Love, Rob
Just put us to the test

We’ll give you Sister Act-ion
We’ll soothe your troubled mind
We’ll rid you of your demons
We’ll stroke your warm behind

Let us in your house Rob
Just for a cup of tea?
We promise to end the stalking
Don’t call the L.A.P.D.

Oh well, don’t then, it’s OK
We’ll just sit behind this shed

Or perhaps we’ll go back to England
And stalk Jonathan Wilkes instead.